How Much Longer?

Today has been a pretty crummy day.  I'm recovering from one of the worst colds I've ever had.  I had to call in yesterday because it got so bad.  For a cold!  Not to mention it was last minute because I thought I would feel better with another NyQuil induced night of sleep.  Well, I woke up feeling worse, if that was possible, and had to make the last minute call for a sub and plans.

It was a recipe for disaster.

I got a warm body in my classroom.  A warm body that hadn't subbed before.  But it wasn't my feverish warm body, so for that I was thankful.  My kiddos were less than stellar to say the least.

Today I got to spend most of my time cleaning up the physical and behavioral messes that were left from yesterday.  Add to that the fact that I had a meeting in the middle of the day, I have a sub on Monday for a meeting, I can barely hear out of my left ear (thank you congestion), and I had to throw in some actual teaching.

Today was rough.

And I'm pretty sure that I'm not pregnant.  That was another fun aspect of today.

So to say I'm feeling pretty down is an understatement.

I'm almost feeling down and out.  I really feel like we are not going to be able to get pregnant at all.  I don't know if anyone else feels like this when they're this far in, but for the first time in a long time, I'm not hopeful.  I'm starting to feel like we're wasting money and time on something that won't work for me.

I'm beginning to feel foolish for spending so much of our savings on trying to get pregnant when maybe it's just not supposed to happen for us.  I feel like there's such a fine line between trying this hard because it might happen, and pushing farther than you should chasing something that isn't there.

I don't know if I'm going through some PMS, being hormonal from all the fertility drugs I'm on, or just plain grumpy.  But right now I feel like we're spending $1000 a month on Powerball tickets.  When do you realize that enough is enough?